Category: My Life

Advice from a reformed cheater

Advice-From-A-Reformed

Oh my goodness cheating, it’s a very heart wrenching topic and a lot of couples go through it every single day because a woman or man somewhere in the world finds out that their partner/spouse is cheating on them believe me it is not a wonderful feeling.

As a reformed cheater I was cheated on by the man I cheated on my partner with yes karma is a bitch right. Now this was my first time someone ever cheated on well that I know of. I was angry, you know I kept asking him you know how much I fought to be with you and what I gave up for our love let me tell you something when you partner cheats all that does not matter how you got to be because their burning lust and passion for the new toy it’s all they think about and your crying, whining, screaming and tantrums they fall on deaf ears.

In this relationship with let’s call him A it turned me into that woman who see in the movies who is very obsessive about what their man is doing when they are not with them yep I became her. I would wait for him to fall asleep so that I can take his phone and see if he spoke to her today and if there was evidence of the conversation I would wake him up and start a fight right there and then it did not matter that it was 1am.

So let’s get into what made me to cheat with A in the first place, well, I felt unappreciated, unnoticed, Mr C was always working rarely home and never took me out to restaurants, even when I begged he lets out and eat out maybe see a movie he was not interested so I got bored. A persuade me and I told him I was married and all. He didn’t care he loved me, he noticed, made me feel special and he would write me messages throughout the day telling me how beautiful I am and how he drove passed my work just to see me.He was this wonderful man and he knew what to say and you know what I finally gave in to the feeling of being desired and spoiled. A was a very attentive man he would notice little things like when I have new nail polish, new hair style etc., every woman wants a man like that so Mr C suspected that something was up with me. So one day while consumed by my love for A I came clean to Mr C and I told him I was leaving and I left I didn’t not want to hear anything I didn’t care that Mr C promised to be better and change I walked out.

Now that I left Mr C I didn’t have to sneak around anymore to be with A we were together, inseparable things were really good and I thought I found love. Until I found out that he was now sneaking around on me with an ex girlfriend.

This is advice from a reformed cheater the grass is not always greener on the other side and its usually just infatuation because you feel neglected by your partner. Cheating is never the best solution because it mostly happens when you are at your lowest and feeling unloved. Feeling unloved is never a good reason to cheat because at the end you will be the fool who left something not so broken, for something that looked like gold but it was really just a tin. If you are not happy, just walk away and avoid the drama that is so time consuming.

My Random Musings
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Going through some emotions

Holding on
I used to write poetry so I carried a pen and notepad because words would come to me anywhere and anytime, but now I don’t remember the last time I wrote poetry. Then I took a photography attended a few courses I was really into it, then again I got bored. I have also started a few blogs which I later lost in and this one is the longest have been active on a blog and that feeling of being bored and losing interest is slowly creeping in I feel like everything I do I end up burning up.

Been going through some emotions which I cannot explain and I feel purposeless and I want more I mean there has to be more to life than just being a receptionist, wife and mother right. I look around me everyone seems to be having the time of their life and me not so much I am an introvert that gets easily bored.

I feel stuck like I can’t move forward or backwards. Just feel like everything is like a war zone you know it never ends its one battlefield after another and I am slowly giving up its getting harder to keep my head above water. When does it end and when will my hard work pay off? Now that’s questions I don’t have answers for.
I heard this song just the other day it was just what I needed lights will guide you home, I hope I will find my light that will guide me home its a powerful song by Coldplay Fix you.

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Hannah Spannah Coco Banana

A Bit Of Everything

A Bit Of Everything

Reflection Sunday

Reflection SundayWow, I have really come a long way, growing up was really tough and there were days when I thought about suicide but I just couldn’t do it. I listened to a lot of music and my favorite was songs that gave me hope to carry on and for today’s reflection Sunday the song is Hero by Mariah Carey

MARIAH CAREY LYRICS

“Hero”

There’s a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid
Of what you are
There’s an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It’s a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You’ll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you

What was and still your to go song for the days when you felt like giving up?

My Random Musings
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How does a journey to self-discovery begin?

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According to Wikipedia the term “journey of self-discovery” refers to a travel, pilgrimage, or series of events whereby a person attempts to determine how they feel, personally, about spiritual issues or priorities, rather than following the opinions of family, friends, neighbourhood or peer pressure. Wow is that not heavy well for me it is a bit heavy.

Lately I have been asking myself who am I and I honestly cannot determine the answer because I have always gone with the flow never really followed my heart to the fullest or must I say I am afraid of following my heart as I am always worried what will happen if I actually did.
There are a lot of things that I have always wanted to do, but didn’t like studying drama after high school but ended doing Hotel and Catering instead because my parents did not want to hear about acting.

How does one discover themselves I ask myself because my life is not currently fulfilling as I always start projects, but I never see them through as I easily get bored along the way, for instance, I bought photography equipment the camera and accessories even took a short course after I completed the course I have not actively taken photographs since.

I am sure there must be something seriously wrong with me it cannot be laziness, I have the desire to do something, but I don’t have the will to see it through. My life now is I work as a Receptionist Monday to Friday and over the weekend I am home with my daughter sometimes I don’t even leave the house like last weekend I didn’t go out until this Monday morning.

The bottom line is goals I had when I was just 17 years are still goals at 29 years , I believe what has held me back all these years is the fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of what if this and that.

My to do list which I hope I will follow:

Have a good day everyday (unless I am sick)
Stop over thinking things
Smile more and stress less
Take life as it comes
Let go of things and people who do not bring joy in my life
See life through my daughter’s eyes (carefree and happy)
Go back to listening to music and dancing in my underwear
Learn to meditate
Stop waiting for people to make me happy, make myself happy
Embrace my tough childhood by not letting it define me

xoxo