Category: My Life

What did you want to be when you were growing up? 

What did you want to be when you were growing up? Well, wanted to be a lot of things when I was growing up and believe none of those dreams flourished.

For a long time, I wanted to be an Air hostess, just loved how elegant those ladies were in the movies, skinny and tall.

Then  fell in love with Mariah Carey and  even kept a notebook with all her songs written (do you remember having a song book). At that time, I wanted to be a singer gosh, even sorry young me we have no singing talent. LOL

The next phase I wanted to be a damn good lawyer and this was inspired by the show Law and Order back in the day. Loved those shows and loved how the people testifying fell apart.

Recently visited that dream because of Suits. I said out loud while we watching an episode with my family, you know I wanted to be a lawyer while I was growing up.

My daughter asked, then why didn’t you? Honestly didn’t have an answer.

That was a good question and it got me thinking. Why the hell did I not become a lawyer? May didn’t fight hard enough for my dreams or maybe the financial situation at home got to me.

Wanted to be a lot of things while growing and now I am 30 something with no real career because I let people’s opinions of me hold me back.

Even though I studied Hotel and Catering Management, ended up working as a receptionist because the hospitality hours are insane especially when you have a baby.

Let me just say there in no multitask-er like a person who works as a receptionist/ Admin Assistant and it is seriously not for the weak. To some people, it is just a bottom position and can’t even call it a career.

Recently something was said to me, which really hurt so deep and I can’t get the words out of my mind. Your salary will always be a receptionist salary it won’t go anywhere.

Never felt so small in my entire life. Besides this being said to my face and me reeling in anger and hurt.

It has inspired me to start my own company in Virtual Assistant and going to use my 6 years’ experience in the Reception/Admin Assistant area. To build and grow my company because you know what, I am more than a Receptionist.

What did you want to be when you were growing up? Are you doing what you have always dreamed of doing?

Talk about Multitasking

Talk about Multitasking
Wow,this year really pushed myself by enrolling to learn more because I felt like my head was becoming rusty.Little did I know it was going to be strenuous. Talk about multitasking and I feel like running away now and then.

Did not take into account what was already in my plate I just jumped in and I am a student again with assignments and exams to prepare for. My daughter  started school this year and has homework Monday to Thursday and already has an assessment time table (Like really in Grade 1).

I work full-time 8am to 4:20pm and I have a blog that needs to be consistent, otherwise it will be all back to one if I neglect it. My blog is a second job, it’s just that I am not earning any income from it besides being invited to campaigns and events.

Towards the end of October and last week I had to prepare for my exams.Help my daughter with her homework, cook, clean the house and be a wife. Sometimes feel like a married single mom, because I literally do everything on my own talk about multitasking.Talk about Multitasking

Taking on studies after nearly 10 years after college is really scary (oh boy did I just give away my age) and multitasking is not fun. Have been feeling burned out and extremely tired juggling working full time, being a student, a mom and a spouse and a blogger.

Have you pushed yourself this year to a point of , what the hell was I thinking?

To my sister: Don’t swap your handbag for a nappy bag

Younger sister
I wanted to travel the world, getting married and having a baby was the last thing on my list. I really wished to travel and experience life, but fear of the unknown held me back. I was thinking what if this and that.

So I had my daughter at the age of 24 and got married. I don’t regret having my daughter because motherhood is also an amazing journey. All I am saying is wait a little bit and enjoy your youth and life because having a baby is a life altering decision you cannot undecided. Do not swap your handbag for a nappy bag, travel and work on your career and finish your studies.

Writing this to say as much as they say life is too short, life is indeed a long journey do not rush it. Take it step by step and don’t be like I do not allow fear to hold you hostage.
Yes change is scary, but it is part of life and we need to go through it in order for us to grow.

In 15 years time if you decide to settle down and have a baby and get married be ready for it without regrets of I wish this and that. My only wish is I should have waited to have a baby and kicked fear’s backside and bag packed theworld, having a baby at 24 years old is not ideal.

To my sister: don’t swap your handbag for a nappy bag too early in life, go get that passport, you have been stalling to get and just flow with life and enjoy the freedom of being a young adult before transitioning into adulthood.

Inspiration behind letter to my sister: don’t swap your handbag for a nappy bag because I was sitting and reflecting on all the goals I made while I was in high school and I never followed through because of fear.

I want my little sister to know it is okay to hold off on getting married, because getting the ring it is not an achievement. Yes diamonds arebeautiful, but they do not necessarily need to be a wedding ring.

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State Of Numbness

State of numbness

Wow, l was in a state of numbness in the past few months.The state of numbness is when you don’t feel like doing anything and time is moving in slow motion yet so fast. Yes, when you are depressed time moves super quick before you know it 6 months had passed just like that and you won’t get it back.

Damn being an adult is hard, I wish I could be a little kid right, even though life was not rosy in my childhood sure makes adulthood look like hell. Just the other day it got me thinking do I have daddy issues.You know those roles on TV where you see women who are broken and they do different things to fill an unfillable void “daddy issues”.

That is when I got my aha moment there is no way I am going to be that weak, broken woman, it’s hard enough being a woman and a mother to a daughter. At least I have to make it for my daughter’s sake, I am her role model if I fall apart in front of her. Who will teach her to be a strong woman?

I realized that you can overcome the state of numbness, when you hang on to that glimpse of light at the end of the dark long tunnel of depression. I want my daughter to appreciate being a child because adulthood is not for the weak and faint heart.

Life is hard but we always have to get up regardless of the situation.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/46386324@N04/27498483265″>angel in cemetery</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>

Half Way Through Twenty Sixteen

Half way throughTwenty Sixteen

Oh my goodness, can you believe it, we are half way through twenty sixteen, what started as a good year for me turned upside down my faith has been tested and still is.

My daughter started school this year and it has been difficult like hell having to include homework time, lunch box and school uniform preparation time in our daily routine has been a bloody nightmare. I seriously do not remember my mother working like this when I started school and also do not remember having so much homework. I have also realized that you, the parent become the teacher and the teacher they are just overseers I am so angry that I pay school fees and I have to teach my daughter. Just last week I downloaded and Afrikaans alphabet up for her to learn them because I do not know how to pronounce them.

Ferocious Haven
I travelled overseas to North America it, I finally got to use my passport as my first one expired without leaving the country. This trip has inspired me to see the world more, discover and make new memories I cannot wait for my next trip and I will start with countries that South Africa is visa exempt first.

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I finally registered to further my education I cannot wait to start I don’t know how I will cope, but hell I will have too, because knowledge is power and I need my daughter growing up knowing that education is important and I want to lead my example to motivate her to stand on her two feet and do it for herself and never depend on a man to survive.

One wise lady told me that life is too short to be terribly unhappy and I am going to live my life by that and this too shall pass. I will find peace and calmness again in my life and it is not over until it’s really over.

How has 2016 been for you so far?

WHO IS MOIPONE?

Ferocious Haven

Who is Moipone? I find myself asking myself this question Who Am I? Well, I am a thirty-year-old woman, a mother to the most adorable seven-year-old girl. What do I stand for? I really don’t know I just realized that I am a people pleaser never really spoke my mind and always worried what I say will hurt the next person.

I have lived my life pleasing my family trying to live up to this pedestal that they have put me on “The good Girl” pedestal let me tell you it is really exhausting. I wanted a tattoo, but know the man in my life things is evil like seriously, it’s my body or did I give up me for our and come to think about it, I never had a say in what he wanted to do in his life even if I said no he did it anyway.

I wanted to travel, but hey my mother thought differently, hence why I am still in South Africa. I wanted to study drama and my parents told me there is no money in Arts in South Africa and we will not pay for you to study it, I ended up doing another course which I loved too.
The question is who is Moipone? What do I stand for? What do I believe in? That is the big three questions as I try to discover myself at thirty years old. I am a creative soul feeling caged in the ideals of what people in my life think I should be and today right now I am sick and tired.

I am going to get that tattoo or two (ha-ha), I am going to stop letting people decide for me, hell I am going to try sushi. I am going to really try to see people for what they really are, because my weakness is that I am naïve and always try to see the best in people even when they are just straight cruel and evil.

I have been so consumed by stress caused by other people in my life that I have forgotten how much I loved writing poetry, I forgot how to be me. The shy girl who loved to laugh, smile and love. The girl who loved going to the movies and experience the thrill of seeing amazing movies on the big screen. I forgot to dance in my underwear and sing out loud with my horrible voice.

Be The Change You Wish to See in The World
Gandhi

I will be the change I want to see in my life before I can take on the world. Have you ever lost yourself and your voice and how did you overcome it?

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Spirituality Crossroads Experience

In the past couple of weeks I have been going through so emotional turmoil in my life. It has been hard and heavy on my mind and heart to a point where I reached my spirituality crossroads experience, reading the bible and praying every morning and night and to my surprise, I must say as much as I am still going through the emotional changes in my life I am dealing with it much better and my heart and mind they are much lighter.

I cannot say I am saved and now I believe in the unforeseen, I don’t know what happened to my spirituality crossroads, but I found solace during a very difficult time in my life, when I felt like quitting I found the strength to carry. May God is really out there or maybe I have cried to the point of enough is enough life goes on state.

I played three songs on repeat Father can you hear me (with Cheryl Pepsii Riley, Tamela J. Mann, Terrell Carter) from Tyler Perry The Diary of a Mad Black Woman this song moved me the first time I heard it , Whitney Houston’s I look to you and Conqueror by Estelle and The Empire Cast.

Maybe this difficultly phase in my life has encouraged my spirituality, maturity because when I got on my knees and lit that candle to pray I knew that I could not do it by myself, it was bigger than me.

I found comfort in prayer during my spirituality crossroads struggle and I certainly don’t know what the future has in store for me but I have hope for less emotional turmoil…

Have you have experienced your own spirituality crossroads dilemma and how did you overcome it?

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Five things I have learned in my 29 years of life

let go of the past

Wow, I cannot believe it; the time is here I am surely approaching 30 because March is my birthday month. I was so nervous last year at the thought of turning the big three zero, but now I am calmer and happier.

I think 30 is an amazing age because you are at that stage where you are content with yourself and you are no longer seeking assurance from friends. Here are the top five things I have learned in my 29 years of life;

1.Let go of the past because it holds you back, could be the matter of the one that got away. If they really felt the way you feel about them, you would be with them otherwise let it go because it is not worth it.

2. Stop being angry, I have been so angry all my life, especially with my father for the hurt he inflicted on me, my siblings and my mother. I am not angry anymore and I have learned to be happy with me.

3. Be Content, this also comes with age too, I grew up wanting material things from brand clothing and all the status the luxury goods bring you. Now I just don’t care as long as I look good in what I am wearing I am content. I am not saying don’t dream to have premium brands, but don’t let it be an obsession.

4.Love and laugh, it does not have to be love between a man and a woman any kind of love and the most love I have come to appreciate is the love my daughter has for me truly unconditional (children are the best lovers) and laughter is everything stop stressing like there is no tomorrow seriously when your having a bad day get home and watch comedy that is what I do my favorite comedies are 2 Broke Girls, Two and a half man, Last man standing and The Big Bang theory. Just laugh, it will make you happy.

5. Experience Food, I love food, especially trying out food from other cultures, it makes me happy. Tasting a variety of foods, it’s truly an amazing experience. I remember tasting Chinese food for the first time it took my taste buds on a journey of discovery. I promised myself to try SUSHI on my birthday and I will.

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Suicide is not the answer

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Suicide horror for poor student this headline brought back memories buried deep in my mind and I must say suicide is not the answer even when things are so dark to the point of no hope. I have been there you know that pitch black bottomless pit where everything got worse each day.

There was a time when I tried to commit suicide and my mother found me and she told me not to make my enemies happy. I just could not take it anymore, I was my father’s punching bag never understood why he hated me, but he had his own demons, I realized by him abusing my mother and my siblings it was to make himself feel better about himself.

I didn’t not grow up in a happy home, there was a time when I had only one short and T-shirt nothing else at night I would wash them and hang them for the next day it was tough and not because we were poor, but because my father was a people pleaser, he took money and spent on friends and women, money I slaved away making selling in our shop every day before and after school.

I remember going to school with only transport money, nothing to eat, try learning with an empty stomach, it’s not easy and I got my university entrance in materials and I could not fulfill my dreams of attending Wits University because there was no money things were not going well for me, finally got to college and the last year was the hardest not having money to buy text books even to make a photocopy so I had to write the notes out and my results dropped that year but I did not give.Hope of having a better, richer life kept me going so please find your hope and keep going, I know life can be hard and I have been there on that road of I cannot do this anymore.

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I could have easily succeeded with my suicide attempt and could have easily become a street kid by running away from that horrific home but hope kept me going. I know it’s not easy and didn’t have an option to choose the family, we are born in but think twice, even thrice before throwing in the towel because you have no idea what the future has in store for you.

I still struggle with depression, there are times when that lonely, cold and dark feeling comes back and it is hard to shake off, but I always find something positive in my life to pull me through from the darkness to the light.

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I went shopping today I got nothing for myself

I-went-shopping-today-I

Since I had my daughter that is 6 years ago,I struggle to buy myself clothes, every time I see something I think about what Abeerah needs its been difficult.I went shopping today, but I got nothing for myself as I worry about a whole bunch of things and people.

When I eventually buy myself something I feel guilty about that as I think I could have used that money to buy Abeerah two more pairs of shoes its really difficult to break this cycle or way of thinking whatever you want to call it. I went to Woolworths today and I saw about five dresses that I really like and I seriously need them, but I painfully walked away because I have to be responsible with spending money.

Any mommies struggle with shopping for themselves, because I feel like I am losing my mind motherhood has taken over. Here is what is in my wardrobe that I can say it’s something I can wear to go out 2 pairs of pumps and 1 pair of sandals, one pair of jean that fits correctly and still in good condition and about four tops, Gosh its been a year since I bought bras which I seriously need and I cannot stop thinking about those dresses.

How do I go shopping for myself without worrying about what my daughter needs?

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A Bit Of Everything
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