Category: Being a Mom

What is her African name?

What-is-her-African-nameWow the nerve of some people, so I was at the Home Affairs with my daughter whom I take everywhere, people were curious as usually the silent long stares. So this lady she asks me is that your daughter? I politely answered Yes. She asks what’s her name? Abeerah I said. She asks again, what’s her African name? She does not have one, I said. But why, why didn’t you give her an African name and I said just didn’t.

She gave me the long question mark stare I mean really how many of you use your second name. I don’t remember using my second name and I don’t see the point of having a second name nor an African name just because I am black. My daughter will grow up knowing her heritage in both African and Indian culture, having an African name makes no difference to me.
I choose Abeerah because I loved the meaning and It was unique. Abeerah has two meanings in Muslim means Rose, Sandal saffron mixed together in fragrance.(She is my beautiful blooming Rose)and in Hebrew means my strength(and that she is my strength ).

The Blog Centre Showcase Tuesday

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Some Educational and Fun Toys

So I decided to get my daughter some educational and toys since this is her birthday month, I bought the following from my favorite online store takealot.
Puzzles

Educa Frozen Multi 4 Puzzles I was so excited about this product 4 in 1 then I opened the box, voila all the pieces mixed, I initially thought that the puzzles would be divided into compartments as the box cover.

Colouring book
Hello Kitty 120 page Jumbo Colour Activity Book I chose this because Abeerah loves Hello Kitty and it would keep her busy while I am writing this post because she talks too much and I had to buy the Penguin A24 Wax Crayons Box of 24 also because I have no idea what she has done to her colours.
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Grafix Educational Alphabet Puzzle Board bought these because she can sing her alphabets but she can hardly identify most of them when I tell her to show me an E for elephant she draws a blank. I decided to be a mom in action. Well, hopefully these will keep my hyperactive daughter calm and less talkative, so that I can hear myself think.

All these lovely goodies available at Takealot

The Best Journey of Motherhood

I never wanted to be a mother, but the very thing that I didn’t want to happen to me, happened. Mother has really grounded and humbled me in so many ways. I have found pleasure in life watching Abeerah grow up and I am so humbled that she has been healthy throughout.
The best journey of my life is being a mother to the most talkative 6 year old girl. After her birth I went through some stages of postnatal depression, which was not treated I didn’t know what was happening to me has a name, even a treatment. I cannot believe that it has been 6 years since I brought this bundle into this world.

Motherhood has been the best journey of my life, I have learnt a lot from being a mother to Abeerah. I learned to be patient and I have also learned to be a good listener because when she talks she makes sure that I hear her. Just thinking about her while I am writing this post makes me smile. Motherhood it is an awesome roller-coaster of good and bad days, there are times when I feel like running away and there are times when I just want to hug her and never let go. Happy birthday, my angel having you has made me the best version of me, I can be and I am wishing you many more years to come:

Abeerah in my womb

Abeerah

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Abeerah at 1 year old
1 year old 2010
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Abeerah at 2 years old
2 years 2011
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Abeerah at 3 years old
3 years 2012

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Abeerah at 4 years old
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Abeerah at 5 years old

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Abeerah 5

Abeerah Now at 6 years old

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Abeerah 6

My Abeerah turns 6 years old today and it just feels like yesterday when had sleepless nights nurising her. Happy birthday my prinecess I love you unconditionally may you be blessed with a healthy ans happy

My Random Musings

How do I discipline my child when I am a victim of child abuse?

Discipline-Without

Last night I went to bed upset with my little girl because she is becoming impossible to discipline, it’s like when I tell her to stop doing something she ignores me and then I left it because I fear of becoming my father. Disciplining Abeerah is really hard for me because I don’t want her to feel the way I felt when I was growing up and mine was not my father disciplining it was a beat down smack down kind of a beating I swear sometimes I thought that he thought he was fighting with a person his own age.

Therefore I have become sweet and shy to the subject when I tell her to maybe pick up her bag and she makes an angry face I pick it up I feel like I am scared of my 5year old daughter and I know if I let this go on she will have a bad attitude as an adult. I am at a point where I really feel like I am going to lose because No has become her favourite word. Abeerah time for a bath, she says no I will bath tomorrow. Abeerah pick up your toys, she ignores me until I threatened to throw them away.
The only person she really listens to is her dad when he say Abeerah no, she listens and I feel like he is being hard on her. I am starting to feel that there is something wrong with me, I want to discipline her but in turn I feel guilty.

Has any other mommies and daddies been through this I really need help in setting my daughter straight without my childhood flashing right in front of me or feeling guilty about it.

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My Random Musings

My first attempt in raising a charitable child

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Today I decided to raid my daughter’s closet so I took this time to teach her about sharing and giving. So I took out all her clothes and I told her we are giving her small clothes to Nana, she got excited and happy and she even helped me. To my surprise, she looks her teddy and says are you happy for your new clothes, I guess I was not clear because she calls her teddy bear nana so she thought the clothes were for her teddy.

So I decided to slowly tell her what’s happening, tears filled her eyes it took some convincing for her to agree to give the nana me talking about the clothes. She is the only child so I don’t want her to grow up selfish. I would like her to be charitable, kind and polite.

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Damn parenting is so hard monkey see, monkey do now I literally understand. In order for my daughter to grow into a lady I need to instill good values while she is still at an impressionable age.

I hope next time when she donates clothes it will be easy and breezy. Today it was the first step I am hopeful that next year this time things will be different.IMG_20150706_184752

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TIPS I FOUND AFTER READING ARTICLES ONLINE:

1. Say no more often so they can understand that they cannot always get what they want

2. Donate clothes and toys and get them involved in the process

3. Make donating part of your family life or tradition keep it consistence

4. Explain to them not everyone is blessed as them.Sharing is caring

5. Practice what you preach in order for them to follow in you foot steps .

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Challenges of Raising a Biracial Child

Where did you get her? I am sorry but there is nothing natural about that question it just feels so wrong to me and I used to get really pissed off when someone asked me that question.
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It never occurred to me that having a mixed race child can be difficult and I have discovered how people can be so closed minded. My daughter Abeerah her daddy is Indian and I am black and the comments I get on the streets they are disgusting because she looks more Indian than black. My mother was also uncomfortable with my daughter’s hair, she would say people will say we stole her and so she would cut her hair, hoping it will grow back looking like mine Afro and she bought her beanies and hats for when we go out.

After having my daughter made me realise that people still have a problem with interracial marriage and couples. Questions and comments would go from why did you leave us black men and go have an Indian baby and you are lying she is not your child. Even to this day I am still mistaken for the nanny.

Now that my daughter has grown up and she plays with other children they say things to her and she later asks me. The recent question, what is a coloured? I was really shocked well, I am shocked every time she asks me something I am not expecting then I asked her why is she asking me that and she told me that one boy visiting her friend’s house said she is a coloured . I honestly did not know what to say and I still don’t know. How do I answer such a question when I don’t even consider my child coloured and I am clearly uncomfortable classifying her.

A few months back when I was filling in a school application form it reached the race column and I left it blank. I spent about 5 minutes thinking about which box I must tick. It is difficult raising a child in a black dominated community. While I was pregnant the only thing I thought about was how her hair will look like not how will people react to me having a biracial child.
It is my responsibility as a parent to teach my daughter to embrace her uniqueness because she is beautiful no matter what with curly or straight hair.

Photo by Carol of Enhle creative
Photo by Carol of Enhle creative

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How can I teach my daughter to be a reader?

www.astorybeforebed.com

Photo by www.astorybeforebed.com

So I came across a blog post by Kim Mari about how her boys never leave the house without a book. Wow, thanks Kim for making me feel guilty about reading I say this because I am a watcher, not a reader. I watch a lot of television with my daughter Abeerah to the extent that she knows every word for most of the adverts on the television.

I remember back in 2009 after she was born, I joined a Barbie book club where they sent books very month because I wanted her to have a different upbringing than me and I must say I don’t even read her a bedtime story I just hate reading long books.

My question is how can a parent like me who is not fond of reading raise a child that is a reader?She has like tons of books, but I never read to her because I always have my eyes glued to the television and I seriously do not have the patience.

Mothers may you kindly please share tips with me. From tonight I promise to read her a book

OverProtective Mother

Photog by Carol Mlangeni
Photo by Carol Mlangeni

I received whatsapp message from my mom and sister, you know those chain messages about a man who is doing human trafficking targeting single women,boys and girls. I started getting worried about my daughter as I work fulltime and take time to get home I worry a lot about her.All I want to do is protect her all the time but I don’t want to live in fear either.

Found myself thinking about home schooling if its a safe option because the world has become a very dangerous place to live in. The idea of someone taking your child is nerve wrecking .

My daughter she is six full of life, starting Grade 1 next year, named her Abeerah in Muslim it means flower and in Hebrew means strength.she is the love of my life and will do anything to protect her from scumbags who targets children.